Who Do You Serve?

I heard Brian Williams on Countdown with Keith Olbermann talk about the people of Haiti as people who had next to nothing and now have nothing as a result of the earthquake, it hit me hard.  Regardless of what we say or think, regardless of the rights we do or don’t have in this country we STILL have much that we do so little with.

We have a car and a job and a home but the car is five years old, the job only pays $40k  a year and the home is too small to house all of our many things.  We in this country live so large and think and act so small dealing in trivialities like our stuff, the stuff we have, the stuff others have, the stuff we don’t have.  I don’t believe acquiring, holding onto and coveting stuff whatever it is, is why we are placed here on this earth.   I believe we are here to serve.  The earthquake in Haiti has reinforced that belief for me.

Each and every one of us has the ability and the means to serve one other person in some way.  The amount of help is inconsequential but the help IS consequential.  I heard former President Clinton say right now the best way to help is to give money, even $1. Lord know you can’t even get a Starbucks cup of coffee for $1. Why not do that? What are you really giving up to help our brothers and sisters in Haiti?  Most likely you are giving something up that isn’t essential to living and breathing in the first place.

There are those who say, well why should I send money out of this country when we have people right here who are starving and I say as always put your money where your B.A.M. is and feed the hungry right here.

All I’m really saying is Haiti is telling me and maybe it is telling you too, it’s time to serve someone other than yourself.

Why reading faster doesn’t increase productivity

Recently I read a post that teaches you to double your reading speed ... and made the following claim:

"Obviously, the faster you can read, the more productive you can be. If you can double your reading speed, you can double your productivity."

I disagree. I think you should read slower, and focus on doing things slower. It increases your effectiveness, which is a different definition of productivity than "doing things faster".

The post's argument was based on the idea that every project involves a lot of reading - background materials, books, blog posts, notes. It didn't mention emails but that's another area where reading faster might seem more productive.

And I'll grant that if you can zip through that kind of reading, you'll get the project done faster. And then you can zip through the next task and the next and the next, and zoom! You're productive!

But productivity isn't about speed, even if we've been led to believe it is. It's about being effective. It's about accomplishing things -- and that's about doing the most important things, not the most things.

When we speed through tasks and projects, we lose perspective. We forget what's important and just try to do things as fast as possible.

Instead, pause. Think about what's most important, what needs to be done the most. Then clear everything else out of the way, and focus. Do that one thing, but do it slowly, and do it very well.

If reading is important, focus on it, and do it slowly. It'll be that much more enjoyable, and so will the project. And when you absolutely love what you're doing, then productivity is a natural by-product.

Slow down, don't speed up. Read slower -- you'll read less, but enjoy it more.

posted: 09 December 1
under: doing

How to Want Very Little

Editor’s note: This is a guest post from David Turnbull of Adventures of a Barefoot Geek.

There are two challenges that people face when choosing to live a more simpler life: owning little and wanting little. Yet people fuse these challenges together into a larger “live simply” goal. Unfortunately, they’re two different beasts that need to be tamed in their own ways.

Owning little requires a practical approach – systematically decluttering your life and eliminating the unnecessary. Wanting little on the other hand is focused on the way in which we think, a far more blurred aspect of simplicity.

Sincerely wanting little is difficult. It goes against our firmly rooted desire for certainty, for ownership. To cut through this psychological attachment  requires more than step-by-step processes or following a list of tactics, it requires a shift in your thinking, a shift in the way you approach your day to day life and how you make decisions.

1. Have a vision for your life. Goals are somewhat useful tools to get from point A to B, but they often lack depth, emotion and meaning, and without those three things there’s a deficiency of purpose and drive.

Think about the lifestyle you want as a whole instead of simply focusing on your desire to want very little. What do you want to own? How will you spend your time? Where will you be? Be specific.

This outline acts as a funnel. Desires for more may attempt to flood your life, but because you’ve clearly defined what matters to you, only the things conducive to your aims will make their way through this funnel. It becomes much easier to say “No” to something when you’re certain it’s not apart of the bigger picture.

2. Find your motivation. What is your why? Why do you want little? Because it’s trendy is unfortunately not enough to quench your lust for stuff. Personally, I want little because I have dreams of traveling the world for months on end, and stocking up on gadgets and gizmos doesn’t exactly gel well with that.

Here are some other common reason why’s:

  • Saving money – for retirement, travel, charity etc.
  • Eliminating stress.
  • Freeing up time from the offset of being able to work less, clean less, and maintain less.

Don’t be meaninglessly minimalist. Be purposeful and deliberate in your quest to want little.

3. Experience the benefits. No matter how many times you hear the benefits of wanting little, or visualise your motivation with all the intensity in the world, experiencing an uncluttered lifestyle will always be the best way to switch from a “want more” to a “want little” mindset.

Aside from simply throwing out everything you own, there are a few ways to go about this:

  • Plan a short vacation where you take as little as possible, including no technology or fashion accessories. Only pack the essentials.
  • Pick one room in your house or apartment that you want to transform into a no-stuff zone. Dump as much as you can from that room into a spare room or garage. Notice the difference in tranquility as you walk between your regular rooms and the no-stuff zone.
  • Visit locations that are inherently uncluttered. Buddhist temples spring to mind as being places with the bare minimal.

4. Be noncommittal. Decisions become scary when they’re set in stone. In other areas of life a little fear could indeed be a good thing, but it’s unnecessary and undesirable when striving to eliminate the desire for more – the challenge is difficult enough without adding further resistance.

There’s no line to cross with attachment to stuff, no mountain you must overcome. It’s a lifestyle you can back out of anytime, a mindset that in no way restricts your ability to choose. Wade through the shallows before diving in the deep end.

5. Understand the psychology of influence. Marketing and sales are apart of this world and it’d be silly to chastise those sectors because in reality we’re all marketers and salespeople – all livelihoods are fuelled by being heard and mutual exchanges. But that doesn’t mean you need to fall into the trap of cheap psychological tricks.

Start by reading about how marketing weasels will try to manipulate you and for more depth pick up a copy of Robert Cialdini’s classic, Influence: The Psychology of Persuasion.

Other books on the topic that I’m yet to read, but you may want to check out include:

6. Grow into it. Start with small victories. Be mindful of all your purchases and desires and regularly ask yourself “Does this fit into my vision?” You will stumble, it’s the nature of the beast. The world wants you to want more, and the world is a mighty challenger.

Be persistent with your quest for less and surround yourself with positive influences – classical works of literature like the Tao Teh Ching and Walden; Or, Life in the Woods, plus like-minded individuals who want to cut themselves free from the leash of things.

7. Lose yourself. Purchasing is a process we lose ourselves in. First something catches our eye, then there’s the inner conflict (should we buy it?). If we convince ourselves that we should part with our money, there’s that little buzz you get of claiming ownership. You take the product home. And then you use it.

It’s an exciting sequence of events – full of uncertainty and possibility – that we get swept up in. But the problem is, it mostly ends with buyer’s remorse, a dented bank account and all the other costs of owning stuff.

What you need to do is learn to get lost in activities rather than acquisition. Instead of being strung along by the latest gizmo, learn to transplant that process into an outlet such as writing, music or drawing. Focus on doing interesting things rather than buying interesting things.

8. Crunch the numbers. It’s likely that you have a passion that has expenses (like travel or reading) or, at the very least, you would like to put away some money for a rainy day. One simple trick I use to avoid acquiring things is compare the cost of the particular thing in question, to the expenses of my passion.

For example, backpacking through Thailand is something I dream of doing. Now, say it costs $25 per day to live in Phuket. If I were to see an Xbox game selling for $50 I’d ask myself “Is that game worth sacrificing two days in a foreign culture?” Most of the time the answer will be a resounding “No” and it’s in those instances where you’ll be dodging a purposeless impulse buy.

If the answer comes back “Yes,” nothing is wrong with that. Wanting little isn’t about depriving yourself of what’s important to you, but eliminating all the clutter that makes its way into our lives. But make sure you’re being honest with yourself.

Read more from David at his blog, Adventures of a Barefoot Geek, or subscribe to his feed.

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This post is from Leo Babauta's Zen Habits.

I wish I might

Get up out of my bed on my day OFF to queue up for a tv, computer, sheets or a blender?  Are you kidding me? Don’t get me wrong now I know some folks need these items. Hell, I need a blender right now as I lost one in the divorce (a steamer/rice cooker too come to think of it) but getting up to get one for $10.00 or whatever it is in the dark and the cold (yeah 30 something is cold in GA) is not happening.   I’m anti-Black Friday. I know it’s an American tradition, I know there are deals deals deals and all of that but I am not moved from my couch to go get in on the fun.  I didn’t even know what Black Friday was until 2006. I knew that there were sales after Thanksgiving but I didn’t have a clue that there was a name for this day. Now that I do I am so over it.

Stop going for the okey doke

Back in the stone age when I was in college I studied marketing and advertising, the biggest okey doke of them all when it comes to consumer products.   We create “needs” through marketing, notice the need in quotes.  As a student of it nevertheless I became a victim of it as well and hated myself for it quite frankly. I had a lot of “needs” created for me that frankly I couldn’t afford but had to have and guess what I paid a bitter price for it.  There’s no need to pay at all.  If you are looking at an ad on television for a television and you have three already, guess what you don’t need it.  Are you replacing the one you’re looking at or another? Why? Is it broken or does it not show hi-def  1080p or whatever they call the stuff and that’s why you want another one?  Will the new fancy tv really add to your viewing experience?  Maybe it does but will the cost of it in dollars, in travel, in sweat equity, in rearranging your home, in getting rid of something add to your life experience? Think about it.

The Church of the Rebelleft at the Fork

I stand at the crossroads again.  What I believe to be true in my Faith and what I see to be true in people are so often irreconcilable.  For people of faith, you know that we are made in the image of God, but let me tell you that the images I see in “the body” don’t look to be of God. I do not exclude myself from this discussion. As I struggle daily walking the fence between the sacred and the profane to think about it that fence walking is more than daily. I walked it hour by hour and minute by minute.  If you have been reading the blogs, the tweets and so on, you know EXACTLY what I mean for the most part.  You know what I’m about. The same mouth that proclaims that Jesus is Lord is the same mouth that can string together a series of F-Bombs into an essay, read you the riot act and not even flinch. Knowing my foibles, knowing my struggles and knowing that others struggle as well but won’t lay it out there bare pains me.

There is a front that is put on, that church face, the hallelujah praise the Lord church face that is on for “the body” to see but in the home, in the street, on the job there may be a “whole nother animal” that exists.  When the church face is off all manner of things are done and said that are in direct conflict with what is taught in the faith.  The fronting is even more pronounced when it is done at the level of leadership.  We know it’s all a front when we witness the fall.  Deacons, Ministers, Pastors, Bishops, you know the deal. These are the folks that bring the word of God on Saturday or Sunday morning and at the same time covets his neighbor’s wife and maybe even takes her to bed. She’s the Pastor who steals money from the church, he’s the Deacon who undresses you with his eyes.  Then there’s the more subtle types, the ones who don’t indulge in drinking, smoking, sexing and what have you, but their pride and ambition takes their eyes from the hills from which comes their help, but puts their eyes on how many more members can they can get, how many more buildings can be built, how many more ministries can be created.  It is these things that are troubling the church of the rebelleft at this time.  I spend time in prayer, I spend time in the counsel of those I trust, yet I do not have an answer to my dilemma. How do I reconcile the imperfection of man with the perfection of God?  Is holiness an impossibility?  I had a dear friend tell me that the pressure I put on myself was absolutely over the limit. She told me that I was not Jesus.  She just as well could have hit me over the head.  That made sense, but knowing I’m not Jesus still doesn’t make the living easier, the desire to do right by people easier, nor lessen the amount of disappointment in people that happens daily.

I need a resolution.

Committing in November

My initial response to what my theme for this month was a typical one. In the U.S. we celebrate Thanksgiving.  Origins, history and the framing of this holiday will not be discussed here but I mention it in passing is because I originally thought that this month for me would be about gratitude. I am grateful for a lot of things, grateful to a lot of people and I let it be known often so that theme didn’t stick. As I was walking into my bedroom tonight, I was thinking about all of the commitments I’ve made to upcoming events, to people, etc. and I immediately felt overwhelmed. I began to think why did I commit to do these things, to engage these people etc.?  Is it because I got roped in to it? Is it because I wanted to for some selfish reason? Is it because I have a passion for this person/persons/things/ideas that I have committed to? Or is something that isn’t coming to mind at the present? I’m not really sure, but believe that being committed/getting committed happens for any of the above reasons and more.

Season of Change

I entered into one of many seasons of change in 2006.  At this time I began to find my life lacking. One way that I made up for what I believed to be lacking was by acquiring stuff the other was by acquiring projects. Something needed to be done for the Sorority, I signed up, need somebody to cover an even at church? I was right there.  Need rescuing from some grave situation in the middle of the night I was on the ready and in the car to come and get you. In 2007 and 2008 this escalated to the point that I was NEVER home. I was working to get our current president elected, doing the sorority/church/rescue/Gal Friday thing and leaving the place that I’d called home for over a decade.  Once I moved there was a brief reprieve. I allowed it because I had to get settled in and set some sort of vision for what I wanted my new life to look like (I’m still not sure about that) but I did exhale for about one month. Then it all started back up again I changed jobs, there was the election, a new church, financial pressure, the fitness routine and so on.  I exhaled briefly during the spring, then somebody or some bodies decided that they wanted me around to handle this that and the third and I did because I could but really because I greatly over estimate my ability to handle multiple projects at a time.  Sometimes it is fun, sometimes not so much. So I end up here on Thursday night looking at the weekend and the schedule thinking, I better get stuff straight at home tonight because this weekend is going to be busy and I won’t want to do any household tasks come Sunday. That’s when the light bulb went off. How committed am I to these people, these projects, this stuff?  What am I sacrificing in order to get it all in? Am I as motivated today as I was say a year ago when all these activities were partially a vehicle to help get me through a trying time? I’m not so sure.

There is another piece to this commitment thing that I can’t let slide by without mentioning and that is a LACK of commitment. I have pointed a finger at folks and questioned their level of commitment to a project, a person, an idea and even went as far as arguing that people don’t commit because they don’t want to be held accountable.  Well by saying that to others, as usual I can look in the mirror to say it to myself.  There’s been plenty of times when I have been intentionally vague and non-committal to something because I didn’t want to be “checked” on it later or I didn’t want to risk some sort of failure.  I add this piece to say; being non-committal can be just as damaging as being overly committed.

 

Why am I sharing this with you? I apologize for taking you the long way home but I took the long way to illustrate the difficulty that the big C word can cause in the mind.  One thing that I’ve said/promised to myself is that I would focus only on those things that I care deeply about, that I love, and fits those ideals/principles that I value most, love, peace, freedom and justice. Somewhere along the way I strayed from those things.  Maybe you have strayed too. So in this month of November I will be focused on Commitment and put all commitments to the test with these questions:  Am I committed? Why am I committed? Does this fit my core values? I believe by examining each of the people/projects/things that I’ve committed to in this way I can get back to center (or close) and be much more engaged in/to what remains.

Where are you on the commitment scale? Is it time for you to do an examination as well? If so, please feel free to share your thoughts/ideas here.

Background Noise

Our background influences the way we think and behave. It’s lays a foundation for our belief systems, values and notions about the way things “out to be”.  That foundation doesn’t always lead to doing things because that’s the way they’ve always been done, in fact sometimes that foundation can lead is on a directly opposite path from which we came. However, in my estimation more times than not, when it comes to thoughts and actions we rely heavily on what we already know and what we believe to be true at the time.  What is challenging for me and maybe for you are those instances in which a new way to think or be or do is brought to my attention.  My response to this “new thing” falls into one of three categories

Immediate Resistance

A lot of times the resistance isn’t even based on the content of what I’ve heard but is based on the provider of the content. If I have any preset notions about the provider (know it all, lecturer, talks to much etc.) then I’m going to resist, sometime vehemently whatever information that they are providing. I’m not thinking about the content at all. I’m thinking about the person. What’s wrong with that?  What person X may be providing may have value. I cannot “hear” them because of my personal feelings. In this situation, feeling and emotion rob me of an opportunity to learn something of value. This something could be helpful to me or someone else that I share it with down the road. I don’t want to be a participant in a robbery.  What has to happen when the messenger is a “problem” is that the focus has to be taken off of them taken off of the emotion and put on the message. That only comes through consciousness in which I ask myself am I resistant to this information because of the provider?  If that is the case, then I have to detach and just listen.

Mulling Over

I don’t have anything attached to the person delivering the message which is a win in itself.  I may be hearing the information but don’t necessarily understand the idea or how to perform the act.  Maybe I think that what I’m hearing is good, but it appears to be too difficult to execute or require too much effort or is not a good fit for me. Mulling over is a good thing because it allows time to ask questions, gain a better understanding and ultimately make an informed decision.  The trap of mulling over is when it goes on “too long” however long is and becomes a stumbling block to taking action.

Immediate Agreement

This can take on the same characteristics of Immediate Resistance.  If the provider of the information is someone I trust/like/respect I can take to the idea like a fish to water. If what is presented to me isn’t really knew but a variation on something that I already think or do then I’m all for it, gung ho even.  Agreement is good in general because it can advance an issue, a thought or an action. What is troublesome about immediate agreement are the same things that are troublesome to Immediate Resistance. Am I agreeing to or accepting what I’m hearing based on the way I feel/think about a person? Am I agreeing because this is the easiest thing to do? If either of those questions can be answered as “yes” then I need to back it up to “Mulling Over”

Why am I writing about this?

In this month of “Letting Go” I had to get beyond the obvious – the physical things that were intrusive in my life, the things that I know I didn’t need, the easy stuff and challenge myself to look at among many things my background.  I had to ask myself, how heavily do I rely on what I already know, what my parents knew/did, friends etc before I learn, think, do or receive something new?  What I learned is that I fall more in the first and third options than the middle. Which makes sense for me as an either or do or die type. Grey areas are not good for me, never have been. However, entering into “letting go” has begun to free me. Is this a work in progress, absolutely, but I’m determined to be more thoughtful/conscious and less background oriented go forward.  What about you? How do you receive something new? Do you rely on your background or your emotions or are you conscious? I’d love to hear your thoughts.

Letting Go – of Stuff

I’m currently living in the month of letting go. Right now I want to weigh in (for what may end up being a few posts) about letting go of material things.

Every day I take a picture of something.  On the way home from work the other day I took a picture of:


The morning drive on that same day is what made me take the picture and inspired this post. En route to work, which is about 13 miles, I counted four storage sites, three of which were of the above.  The franchise isn’t important, but what is important to me or at least interesting is that about every three miles there is a place where you can take your stuff and store it for a small monthly fee of course. Why on earth are there so many? Because we have too much stuff.

How does it happen? Here’s a few scenarios: Our home is full of stuff, we get tired of that stuff and get some new stuff. Not wanting to part with the old completely (because there’s not really anything wrong with it), we move the old stuff to storage with the intention of finding a permanent home somewhere else.  What happens though in some cases is that we end up paying to store this stuff and the storage facility ends up becoming the permanent home. (been there, done that and ended up selling the stuff). Another scenario is when we’re making a move, either across country or across town. Having not settled into the new space for whatever reason we again (temporarily) store stuff until we are settled and again there are times when this temporary situation becomes permanent.   The stuff may even be forgotten and ultimately auctioned (yes I have been to a storage stuff auction). Why do we even go there?

For a few reasons: 1)stuff makes us feel good. The more stuff we have, the more we feel (falsely) that we are secure, successful, attractive etc.; 2)we’re unable to recognize when we have enough even though it falls on our heads or we stub our toes on it in the middle of the night; 3)marketers say and we believe that we need the next, new, shiny thing in order to experience #1 above; 4) and this is serious, we may have a mental illness—depression, hoarding etc.  The good news is, that all of these even #4 are rectifiable. They can all be overcome.

I personally want to overcome my need for stuff.  I’ve come a long way by necessity (lack of money, lack of space, burglary) and by choice.  The choice I’ve made is to be more conscious.  Do I use what I have, do I need what I have or am I attaching something to it in order to allow it to stay? As for things that I want to introduce into my space the consciousness comes in the form of these questions, do I already have something that serves the purpose? Am I being blinded by the “shiny”, does it serve more than one purpose, etc?  Being conscious isn’t always easy, especially when it comes to “weak spots” those things that I “love” or when there is stress involved.  Stress is especially dangerous because it can make for a bad or regrettable decision.  That said, for me letting go of stuff and being conscious of stuff is a work in progress.  However I don’t believe that it will be for the rest of my existence here on the ground.  I believe that there will come a time that the simplicity, the wealth of space and air resulting from letting go of stuff, will make living with what remains, easy.

Do you have stuff? Do you have stuff in a storage space or piled up in your home? Maybe it’s time to let it go. Think about it and feel free to share your thoughts and experiences here.

The Soulpower Hair Chronicles

I’ve been thinking about doing a post on this for about a month. I want to thank @sensati0nalcoco and her recent experience for giving me the kick start.

Everywhere I turn there has been some news about hair, specifically OUR hair as in African-American hair. I’m not sure that I really get what all the discussion is about but since it’s being discussed I figured I’d put in my two cents as I am qualified to do so (I’m Black and I have hair).

Hair-o-Mine History

I went through what was a typical hair transition for someone my age (42, soon to be 43).  I was born with what I would call fine nappy hair (nappy is not a bad word for me, just another adjective). What this means is that my hair is not particularly dense but it is particularly kinky, frizzy and fuzzy. Without products altering it I get a tight afro.

We didn’t really have “kiddy” relaxers back in the day. If we wanted straight hair we suffered the grease (Blue Magic or something like that) and a pressing comb heated up on the stove. The process amounts to frying the hair into a straight state that can then be curled or left straight, braided or so on.  However as soon as water hits it, it “turns back” to the natural state, i.e. nappy for me. I wore my hair pressed or natural until I was in middle school.  My first foray into chemicals was to get a “curl” I believe of the Luster variety that was administered by my father’s Barber a Creole with straight hair. I probably wore that for two years came out of it and went back to natural.  I didn’t move on to a relaxer until around 1982 and I thought at the time that straight hair all the time was the best thing since sliced bread. Every 6-8 weeks I went back to get a touch-up (straightening of the new growth only). I had flips, short in front, long in back, a tail, an asymmetrical bob, the Anita Baker, the Oprah I even got a white girl cut my stylist at the time was really feeling Terri Hatcher’s hair circa Superman so I got that and after thereafter I stuck with some variation of a bob, sometimes shorter, sometimes longer. I got color once, red and I mean REALLY red. Had to come out of that. Oh yeah and I had bangs for ever because of my forehead. When I left New Orleans and came to Atlanta I finally released my forehead. Next was to release myself from the relaxer.

It was hard but for some reason I felt like I needed to do it. I was running a lot in the mid 90s and could not keep a hair do. I started getting braids cut all the hair off and started over and got a relaxer AGAIN. By 2002 I just couldn’t do it anymore. My body was changing, I was kind of sickly with various ailments. My hair would come out in clumps I thought maybe it was time to give it up.  This was my last relaxer.


In 2003 I went through the transition phase and did it by wearing weaves, braids, twists and all that.  

 

My hair was getting better but what was killing me at that time was the HOURS spent in the shop and the amount of money spent getting it done. I was still pretty much on relaxer schedule so every 8 weeks I was back in the shop spending money and sitting in there ALL DAY LONG.

By 2004 I’d had enough. First of all I really liked my last braid stylist, she was fantastic because she used natural hair and she didn’t use a lot of it so it was never heavy (don’t have any of those pics) but she was woefully unreliable and moved to a different shop every time I went to get my hair done. So I finally said forget it. I took the last set of braids out, had my husband at the time take the clippers and cut the remaining relaxed hair out and this is how it ended up:

 

Let me tell you, the reaction was swift, people couldn’t believe I did it but the reaction was overwhelmingly positive. I went through a lot of products but actually ended up with a simple routine. Twist or braid it at night and let it loose in the morning. Finger comb it or pick it out and it’s a wrap. When the weather is bad (rain, humidity) I go to the braids or the twists which I do myself. I haven’t been in a salon in five years. I will blow it out mornings if for some reason I fall asleep without twisting/braiding at night. I pressed it once in 05 and burnt some hair off and ditched the pressing comb. I do not own any curling irons or flatirons. I just go with what I got.  This is how it looks now.

 

 

   
Click here to download:
The_Soulpower_Hair_Chronicles.zip (230 KB)

Does it still break? Yes. When I got separated I lost a LOT of hair.  Is it hard to maintain? NO! I spend way less time doing it now than I did when it was relaxed. Do I spend a bunch of money on product? Absolutely not. I use some sort of moisturizer daily, if I want it shiny I use GREASE, yep it worked when my mama used it, and it still works. If I want to loosen the naps a bit I use MURRAYS which is the stiffest pomade known to mankind but it does the trick.  I dig my hair and can’t foresee going back. I may go shorter but going straight (chemical style) is a definite NO.

This hair-o-mine does raise questions though. Recently with all the rain we’ve had I’ve been wearing it braided either with part of it pulled back or in some up-do.  I hear folk say oh that’s nice, we can see your face. I’ve also heard, oh that’s nice you don’t look so militant (from black folk).  That blows my mind momentarily but I just don’t even “go there” with them. I know my hair isn’t a source of militancy, it’s no political statement, it’s a matter of health, it’s a matter of convenience, it’s a matter of economy and I was tired of being hustled by stylists and salons, that’s it.  Something else boggles me a bit is how many folk like to recommend product to me.  I’m living in the NEW NORMAL, I don’t have the money to buy expensive hair products first of all. Secondly, I’m satisfied with my routine, it just needs to be tightened up a bit. Third, my understanding is that some of this product can REALLY make your hair look different from the way it actually is. I’m not so sure that I want that.  My hair is neither curly nor wavy, it is nappy I happen to like it that way.

I know this is a long post but I wanted to share it with you to say, it is HAIR. It’s not political, it’s not sexy (though some make it sexual, trust me on this one). I see relaxed hair and straightened hair all the time that looks absolutely fabulous I don’t knock it and I don’t tell anybody to ditch and go natural. Now when someone give me the “I wish I could go natural but my hair won’t do right or it’s too hard speech.” I try to be encouraging and tell them they’ll be just fine if they try it. But to be absolutely truthful, I don’t care AT ALL about how folks wear their hair.  Natural hair for me is a PREFERENCE, that’s all it is. Can we just let folk live in peace with their hair already without offering our two cents on it? Unless that two cents is your hair is beautiful, just like it is.