The Soul of Soulpower

My initial response to what my theme for this month was a typical one. In the U.S. we celebrate Thanksgiving.  Origins, history and the framing of this holiday will not be discussed here but I mention it in passing is because I originally thought that this month for me would be about gratitude. I am grateful for a lot of things, grateful to a lot of people and I let it be known often so that theme didn’t stick. As I was walking into my bedroom tonight, I was thinking about all of the commitments I’ve made to upcoming events, to people, etc. and I immediately felt overwhelmed. I began to think why did I commit to do these things, to engage these people etc.?  Is it because I got roped in to it? Is it because I wanted to for some selfish reason? Is it because I have a passion for this person/persons/things/ideas that I have committed to? Or is something that isn’t coming to mind at the present? I’m not really sure, but believe that being committed/getting committed happens for any of the above reasons and more.

Season of Change

I entered into one of many seasons of change in 2006.  At this time I began to find my life lacking. One way that I made up for what I believed to be lacking was by acquiring stuff the other was by acquiring projects. Something needed to be done for the Sorority, I signed up, need somebody to cover an even at church? I was right there.  Need rescuing from some grave situation in the middle of the night I was on the ready and in the car to come and get you. In 2007 and 2008 this escalated to the point that I was NEVER home. I was working to get our current president elected, doing the sorority/church/rescue/Gal Friday thing and leaving the place that I’d called home for over a decade.  Once I moved there was a brief reprieve. I allowed it because I had to get settled in and set some sort of vision for what I wanted my new life to look like (I’m still not sure about that) but I did exhale for about one month. Then it all started back up again I changed jobs, there was the election, a new church, financial pressure, the fitness routine and so on.  I exhaled briefly during the spring, then somebody or some bodies decided that they wanted me around to handle this that and the third and I did because I could but really because I greatly over estimate my ability to handle multiple projects at a time.  Sometimes it is fun, sometimes not so much. So I end up here on Thursday night looking at the weekend and the schedule thinking, I better get stuff straight at home tonight because this weekend is going to be busy and I won’t want to do any household tasks come Sunday. That’s when the light bulb went off. How committed am I to these people, these projects, this stuff?  What am I sacrificing in order to get it all in? Am I as motivated today as I was say a year ago when all these activities were partially a vehicle to help get me through a trying time? I’m not so sure.

There is another piece to this commitment thing that I can’t let slide by without mentioning and that is a LACK of commitment. I have pointed a finger at folks and questioned their level of commitment to a project, a person, an idea and even went as far as arguing that people don’t commit because they don’t want to be held accountable.  Well by saying that to others, as usual I can look in the mirror to say it to myself.  There’s been plenty of times when I have been intentionally vague and non-committal to something because I didn’t want to be “checked” on it later or I didn’t want to risk some sort of failure.  I add this piece to say; being non-committal can be just as damaging as being overly committed.

 

Why am I sharing this with you? I apologize for taking you the long way home but I took the long way to illustrate the difficulty that the big C word can cause in the mind.  One thing that I’ve said/promised to myself is that I would focus only on those things that I care deeply about, that I love, and fits those ideals/principles that I value most, love, peace, freedom and justice. Somewhere along the way I strayed from those things.  Maybe you have strayed too. So in this month of November I will be focused on Commitment and put all commitments to the test with these questions:  Am I committed? Why am I committed? Does this fit my core values? I believe by examining each of the people/projects/things that I’ve committed to in this way I can get back to center (or close) and be much more engaged in/to what remains.

Where are you on the commitment scale? Is it time for you to do an examination as well? If so, please feel free to share your thoughts/ideas here.