There was no happy feeling on this day. In fact I think the first word from my mouth was a swear not at a person, but at my clock. My clock had betrayed me, it’s jarring, shrill honking and beeping, told me that my time was up. The time that was spent in rejuvenation and rebuilding had come to an end and it was time for me to go build and rejuvenate that which was around me.However there was a problem. At the moment of the betrayal, my mind and my body let me know that they were not ready, they both needed more time in order to be effective, but on this day I knew that would not be. On this day, I would not be ON.

This is not typical, it’s downright strange.  I’m not a morning person, but once I finally do move, everything is alright but this morning the movement was just too slow.  I had a strong desire to NOT move.  Daily I hear a song in my head or feel one in my heart. Then I fire up one of these machines to hear some music.  This morning, no music was played within or without.  I knew that I was not ON.

The morning prep continued in its strangeness. I finally made it out of the house and tried to shake it off in the car, by putting on music. The same music that had me bobbing my head and singing along yesterday, sounded loud and abrasive. I had to let it go, I just wasn’t ON.

What I was ON was some old bullshit.  Ready to curse anyone out for nothing, not ready to have any semblance of productivity, ready to get right back in the car and go back home, but I didn’t.  Just because I wasn’t ON didn’t give me a right to be foolish or temperamental so I succumbed.

I realized that there are days, that even with the greatest effort and best intentions I cannot be present and in full flower.  This is okay.  I realize my imperfection is my humaneness and that I will not be my best self, nor will I perform at my optimum level on every day that I walk this earth.  Not ON is certainly not a place where I want to live but I know that from time to time, I will have to pass through it.