I was in the car thinking about something someone did that got on my nerves.  This soon snowballed into the top things that get on my nerves that other people do.  There are three that come to mind immediately.  First, I can’t stand having a conversation with somebody or attempt a conversation with somebody who cuts me off or uses their tone or volume to talk over me. When it happens I usually go silent and really don’t even want to talk about the topic anymore because of the rudeness. Secondly, along the lines of communication, I am annoyed to no end when someone calls and do not leave a message. .  Sometimes my phone drops my entire call log, i.e. I wouldn’t see a missed call. Then later when I actually speak to the person (who’s called back) I look like a villain for not calling back.  Finally, even though I get up early (earlier than I have in at least a decade) I’m still not a morning person. I do it out of necessity. So because my basic nature hasn’t changed, I won’t ever be one to be singing a happy song when I first wake up. Sure, I’m better than Oscar the Grouch and I’m really good if I get up and exercise first thing in the morning. Otherwise I’m at best average. Knowing this, I’m not really interested in hearing folks singing, laughing, cavorting or otherwise. I want everyone else to feel like they are being punished, same as I feel.  Since these things are the top dogs, I had to ask myself why do these things irk me so much? The answer didn’t take long for me to figure out, these are things that people do that I actually do or have done myself.

There’s a saying to the effect of “when you point a finger at someone, you have three fingers pointing back at yourself”. Yes I stand accused. Often times in conversation, my enthusiasm and desire to get my point across, boredom with the topic, or the desire to move on because I have an understanding makes me jump right in, mouth first. When people do it to me I go bananas. Then comes the self check—how many times have I done that to someone else when I should have been listening. Furthermore, what information, perhaps vital did I miss because I was so busy and ready to offer my two cents. I’ve spoken about listening before and it bears repeating. Listening is a skill, one to practice every day, in every conversation. If you’re not interrupting someone to tell them their shorts are on fire or a grizzly bear is directly behind them, then what you have to say can certainly wait.

I’ve told many a lame excuse about not leaving messages for folk. I had another call coming in, I didn’t feel like waiting for the beep, what I needed to say was so hot that I couldn’t leave a message about it etc. All of these excuses make ME the one that is important rather than the person I was trying to contact.  Not leaving a message says, “hey you weren’t available so why bother” Well “bothering” to leave a message shows a) that you know how to show courtesy and more importantly b)that the person you’re attempting to reach is of value to you. Their outgoing message is their representative. Talking to the representative is fine in the absence of the real thing.  Besides, if the person answered the phone, would you hang up in their face? No.

For me to really understand other folks joy in the morning, I had to have it explained to me.  The explanation went something like this. Folks come to work singing a happy song, laughing and joking because they may really be happy to be there or because they just left a situation at home that wasn’t so happy.  You see just because my home is good that may not be the case for everyone, so why knock them because they sing and you don’t?  That explanation made a lot of sense, because it forced as in the previous two examples to look outside of myself, to look outside of what was normal for my life and be considerate of others

In the end it really is all about consideration of others. Though we may all come together in one place, our perspective, our experience and our outlook can be vastly different.  Different does not equal wrong, different really represents an opportunity to learn and appreciate those outside of our own sphere and ideas and actions that are outside of what we think and do.