Roped In
Two things that I say always: “people will be who they are” and “people will do what they want”. I do not exclude myself from “people”. The quickest way for me to be reminded of who I am (maybe for you to) is when I go outside of who I am in order please someone or a group of someones.
This is how it usually goes down. I’ve been requested to do some task that may require little or considerable effort. I do it because I don’t want to be considered unreliable, not a team player or some other non-flattering thing. I don’t do it out of a personal desire to do so, but out of a desire to: get someone off my back, because no other sucker would do it, or simply to just make someone else happy. Because I said I’d do it, I give it my best effort of course so as not to look bad and everybody is happy but guess who? Me. I look back at the task/event or whatever it is and I say I can’t believe I allowed myself to get roped into that thing, I will not do that again. Yet, it happens again and again. The question is, how do I/you/we get out of the lasso?
The first thing to do is STOP! Don’t spring into action, don’t open the mouth to give a response. Just stop, absorb the moment and the request. Next:
Think – is this something you’re really interested in doing? Will you get anything out of it? Now I’m not saying that you shouldn’t be charitable, or that you should give in order to get something back. A lot of times the greatest joy you can ever get is when you give something and get nothing in return but thank you if that. What I’m getting at is that the thinking process should be centered around whether it fits in with what is important to you. If this is not a REQUIREMENT and it truly is a choice then your decision should be based on the things, ideals, values that are important to you. Next:
Do you have the resources? Does it require money, excessive time, additional personnel, special materials? If the task requires these things then their availability or lack thereof have to be taken into consideration. Next:
Decide and communicate – A yes decision is easy to receive for the requester and easy to give if you’ve made the decision based on your values and ideals. A “no” may not be so well-received and may be just as difficult to say because of the possible ramifications, however this is about breaking the cycle of getting “roped in”. Give the answer, communicate your reason(s) for saying no and accept the reaction. You may not like it and that is okay, it’s not about liking everything or being liked really. Remember, people are going to be who they are, that includes you and me. What it is really about is being engaged in activities from which you can learn, grow and contribute. Spending time on things that don’t fit your ideas because you don’t want to let someone down (so you think) leaves less time for what’s really important.
The choice is yours. Do you want to be roped in or engaged?
