MsSoulpower http://mssoulpower.com Totality posterous.com Mon, 16 Jan 2012 06:29:00 -0800 The Pajama Jam http://mssoulpower.com/the-pajama-jam http://mssoulpower.com/the-pajama-jam

2012-01-15_001_2012-01-15_012

Where is she going? To a pajama party? No, she's probably going to Wal-Mart or the grocery store and to this I say STOP IT! 

As a a conservative (in style mind you) from a small town in Indiana, who was raised by southern parents appropriate dress was the order of the day.  Girls/young ladies/women were to wear dresses, hose and heels.  No see through stuff, no tight stuff no short stuff. Boys/young men/men were to have a proper haircut short or if afro neat and even, with shirt and tie or suit and shined 

shoes.  Restaurant outings, theater outings, concerts required the same type of gear - what was referred to as DRESS CLOTHES. Traveling by air meant comfort, but no jeans, warm-ups, tennis shoes, flip-flops or any of that sort.  If you didn't have to carry anything (which back then you could check it all for FREE) you might even wear -- DRESS CLOTHES.

So how did we end up with flip-flops and gym shoes at the airport, pajamas at the store, jeans at work and everywhere else?  For the work place there seems to be two schools of thought: an executive marketing campaign pushed by  Levis in the early 90s or the dotcom revolution shortly thereafter.  As a middle ager I experienced it first hand, suits dresses and hose were the norm in my first corporate job in the early nineties, this transitioned to business casual on Fridays (no jeans though), then to business casual four days with jeans on Friday around 2000.  Executive level personnel in some industries I worked in stayed with traditional business dress and others put their dockers and jeans on with the rest of us.  Business casual is also responsible for some of the most ridiculous personnel policies I have ever read.  Is it necessary to institute a policy that says no short-shorts or halter tops?  Well apparently so. I have seen all manner of ta-tas and fannies at work.  Should you really have to delineate that all clothing should be clean, pressed and free of holes? Apparently so, I have seen all manner of rumpled looking, straight from the bedroom floor to the body on men at the work place.  As for travel, the days of looking Hollywood are over.  9/11, outrageous fuel prices and jammed like sardiens airplanes mean you have to dress smart, meaning comfortable enough to get through security quickly and to be able to lug a carry-on plus one personal item and sit in a tight seat. Everywhere else, you might see anything.

Do I want to return to the days of old, dresses and hose for ladies and suits for gents? Not necessarily.  We live in a more mobile world, 24 hour world. Everything is done on the fly and personally I consider hose a necessary evil in winter, but what I'd like to see is folks making a little more effort. I mean you may be dressing for yourself, you may not care what anybody thinks because you are an INDIVIDUAL but guess what?  The rest of us have to look at you in your crumpled pajamas while we're shopping with you at Wal-Mart and we will post your atrocity on Facebook.

As for her? I think she can go to the grocery store now.  
2012-01-15_001_2012-01-15_028

Permalink | Leave a comment  »

]]> http://files.posterous.com/user_profile_pics/1298121/2011-06-05_001_021.JPG http://posterous.com/users/KQtCSgUWxH Michelle A. Thorns Soulpower Michelle A. Thorns Sat, 14 Jan 2012 07:16:00 -0800 Up Again http://mssoulpower.com/up-again http://mssoulpower.com/up-again

Insomnia-quotes_brian_gardner

Insomnia is a bitch as noted on Twitter this morning, part of my mini rant.  Sleeplessness is not a new story but an old frenemy. What came out of this recent bout is new however.

For the second time this week and the third time in the last two weeks, I received the early morning wakeup call.  Last week, I woke up at 1:00, couldn't sleep and ended up going to the gym at 3:30 am and back to bed at 5:30 for a nap before work.  That's all I can remember of that day.  Tuesday it was up at 
3:00 am and back for a nap at 6:00.  This morning up at 3:00 am again.  I thought I might go to work (at job #2) but thought it dangerous and completely irrational to take to the road in this state of mind and sleeplessness.  As I ended the going to work debate and cracked open the laptop I started writing, about all the bullshit clogging up my mind. Two hours of writing and then I stopped. Looking at the issues on screen instead of ruminating on them over and over again in my head turned on the proverbial light bulb.  Sure they are bothering me, certainly a fixture in this pea brain of mine but they weren't what was making me wake up in the middle of the night.

Sounds trite, cliche even but it's my reaction or in this case non-action toward these issues that keeps waking me up. Yeah, it's all me and needless to say I'm pissed about it.

The crap writing, the writing about what was in my head lead me to GOD.  

 

Now I know what you're thinking--oh here she goes with her come to Jesus moment but hear me out.  In the whining I came to the conclusion that God is the only dependable being in my life, yet I have no expectations of God.  I mean how could I? Ain't nothing changed -- I'm still broke and pissed off and the prayed for help has not come.  At that moment I stopped writing. Some of these things are controllable issues and some are not.  What have I done to get a grip on the controllables?  After a cursory review, not enough.  What about the non-controllables? Well even on those there is something that I can do.

Let them go.

I can't change this stuff so why fool with it?  Letting go of foolishness that has become part of one's being is easy in theory and difficult in practice (at least for me). I've yet to master the art of letting go but am open to new practices that will allow this to happen.  In the meantime, I'm still awake and muddling through, focusing on the controllables and the rest?

I don't know.

Image from isomniaquotes.com , Brian Gardner

Permalink | Leave a comment  »

]]> http://files.posterous.com/user_profile_pics/1298121/2011-06-05_001_021.JPG http://posterous.com/users/KQtCSgUWxH Michelle A. Thorns Soulpower Michelle A. Thorns Sun, 08 Jan 2012 05:07:00 -0800 Not January 1st http://mssoulpower.com/not-january-1st http://mssoulpower.com/not-january-1st

I decided that my New Year didn't start until January 7, 2012 and here's why.

The Holiday Beatdown
I went to see my mother and sisters (and their families) during the Christmas holiday.  I love my mama and believe that she is a slice of heaven on earth.  She's the smartest person that I know, is absolutely hysterical, wise beyond imagination, and all that one would think a proper lady should be.  Yet, I feel that she's been dealt a bad hand.  The operative phrase here is "I feel" she doesn't think so and certainly doesn't act so.  She's one who takes all setbacks and problems in stride attacks them with zest and is the queen of "keeping it moving".  Yet seeing all that she does, all that she manages and all who are depending on her especially when she's not physically 100% is just upsetting.  What's also upsetting is that I'm in no position to come in and rescue her from all of work and problems.  Watching it all, trying to help and trying to change the situation proved to be frustrating and exhausting. My pops antics during Christmas (he lives in a different state) put the icing on the cake of what became a full blown depression during an occasion that was supposed to be joyous.  
2011-12-21_001_2011-12-21_019


Home
There was a lingering issue back home that became magnified while I was away.  I could not hide my disappointment, nor stop talking about it incessantly.  This issue became the coffee to go along with the depression cake.

The Grind
The same old stuff that I left behind during the break was sitting right there on my desk and all my devices upon my return.  Everything was a rush, everything was critical and no one wanted to be held accountable for anything.  In fact throwing folks "under the bus" continued to be the norm and not the exception. Holiday cheer? Not where I work.
2011-12-31_001_2011-12-31_001

Whiny
This may not seem like much to you dear reader and in the grand scope of things like joblessness, hunger and violence in the world, this may all sound like a lot whining.  In fact it sounds like whining to me as well, but I have learned as a person who's battled depression for well over 20 years, that whining can escalate in ways that can be harmful and even fatal.  In fact I read a post just the other day about someone who went missing over the holiday, I hope he emerged alive.  This person left behind a post that was in essence a suicide post -- that's what I mean by fatal.  Depression unchecked and untreated could take you there.  

Getting Over
After all the crying and praying and questioning about the circumstances above I started to make out a few things in the fog.  First, my mama doesn't need saving and I'm not the super woman to save her.  After separating the emotion of what I feel for her I was able to assess that she does need help but won't ask.  Though I cannot assist her in the way that I perceive I should there are things that I can do that are within my ability and currently available resources.  In addition what I thought I SHOULD be doing versus what I was actually capable of doing that was causing some of the upset.  I can only work with what I have and knowing that became freeing.  That knowledge freed me to offer to her what I can without tripping over what I can't.  As for my pops, what transpired over the holiday is not at all new, being emotional about it (me) blew it up into something that it clearly isn't.  He will be who he is and I'm going to love him regardless.

The home situation has not changed, I don't expect it to and am no longer expending any energy to try to change the unchangeable.  What is changing is the way that I think and feel about it.  Acceptance is what's operative here.  There is nothing and (trust me all possibilities have been exhausted) that I can do to make it different.  This is how it is and right about now, I'm beginning to feel alright about it and doing that again sets my mind space free to think on, plan on and work on other things that I'm now discovering are actually more important to me.

Work is work and this was the easiest of all to resolve.  I do what I do to pay the bills.  My employer is a big ship that cannot turn on a dime and I can't make it turn.  What I can do are my own best practices, regardless of what everyone else is doing and besides, there are now looking to be some options again in the marketplace should I decide to make a move.

The Landing
I ended up somewhere else, not depressed, but not riding my unicorn on top of a rainbow either.  Where I ended up was on the ground and I didn't get there until January 7.  Now that some clarity is in place I can do a little living.
2012-01-07_001_2012-01-07_003

What about you? Did your New Year, look just like the old year?  Did you struggle doing the holidays?  Has that changed and what happened to change it?  Let me know in the comments.

(photos via my cameras)

Permalink | Leave a comment  »

]]> http://files.posterous.com/user_profile_pics/1298121/2011-06-05_001_021.JPG http://posterous.com/users/KQtCSgUWxH Michelle A. Thorns Soulpower Michelle A. Thorns Thu, 15 Dec 2011 18:11:00 -0800 #RESOUND11 High/Low http://mssoulpower.com/resound11-highlow http://mssoulpower.com/resound11-highlow

All my highs and one of my lows this year all relate to running.  The running year started off great.  My first out of state run for the year was in Hilton Head SC. The tree lined streets with a path specifically for runners, walkers and cyclists were so beautiful and peaceful.  I traveled for a race out of state, alone for the first time and it was also fantastic.  Although it was cold and cloudy it was still absolutely perfect at the Pensacola Double Bridge Run.  I set a personal best,  met some cool people and really enjoyed the time away from daily life. I also had the opportunity to run with my family in Arkansas for our innaugural family 3 mile.  Locally I checked out several new parks (all reviewed on thesoulpower.tumblr.com and ran my 13th Peachtree Road Race, which unfortunately was a low.  
2011-07-04_001_037

It was hot and humid and all of my preparation was for naught.  My time was slower than the previous year and for the very first time I had to go to the medical tent with heat exhaustion.  The medical staff was top notch and they got me back up to make the trek home.

My other low this year related to finance.  For the first time since college I had to take on another job to make ends meet and they still didn't meet.  With unpaid holidays, an increase in benefits costs, and car troubles even necessities have been difficult to manage.  Entertainment had to be saved up for and those trips I took -- were on last years money.  The financial situation has not improved but clearly I'm not starving, the second job isn't providing enough income so it's back to the drawing board.  I remain hopeful.

Permalink | Leave a comment  »

]]> http://files.posterous.com/user_profile_pics/1298121/2011-06-05_001_021.JPG http://posterous.com/users/KQtCSgUWxH Michelle A. Thorns Soulpower Michelle A. Thorns Wed, 14 Dec 2011 18:22:00 -0800 #resound11 I'm going to finish this, seriously http://mssoulpower.com/resound11-im-going-to-finish-this-seriously http://mssoulpower.com/resound11-im-going-to-finish-this-seriously

CATCH PHRASE

For real? I say it constantly.  Whenever I read things or hear things that are weird, ridiculous or outrageous

ACHIEVEMENT UNLOCKED
Sad but I'm at a loss here.  I haven't achieved anything in the last year.

BEST PHOTO
2011-07-30_001_2011-07-30_022
At the family reunion with my uncle.  This is typical of our interactions when we see each other and it makes me smile.

Permalink | Leave a comment  »

]]> http://files.posterous.com/user_profile_pics/1298121/2011-06-05_001_021.JPG http://posterous.com/users/KQtCSgUWxH Michelle A. Thorns Soulpower Michelle A. Thorns Tue, 06 Dec 2011 18:50:00 -0800 #RESOUND11 The Thelmas AND Louises http://mssoulpower.com/resound11-the-thelmas-and-louises http://mssoulpower.com/resound11-the-thelmas-and-louises
Now this is funny because while I thought that all I did was work this year, I did actually spend a little time with some very special folks like:

Sonya - my Soror who can break on anyone at anytime for any reason.  Hysterically funny and ridiculously smart and about to be a PhD.  She's a fantastic listener, a great storyteller and she inspired me to get my fitness situation in check with her fine self.

Dennise - my Carribean queen.  She is woefully late always but is somehow right on time.  She's always down and can party me under any table.  She takes care of me every thanksgiving since my family isn't here and I love it.  I don't have to eat turkey when I go to her home, I can eat all the curry I want!

Vickie - my Soror who is probably the most positive person I know.  She doesn't sweat the small stuff, or the big stuff either.  Her perspective is so ILL.  I'm trying to learn how to let stuff roll off me under her tutelage.

Pat - she will give you the shirt off her back literally and always checks in when I go underground which during this last year, has been often.  She's a helluva party planner/designer and has almost managed to get me to be more domestic.

Lewis - this chile is a BEAST.  I could be her mom, but I feel like her kid.  I have never seen anybody work, manage a family and everything else like her. She takes care of EVERYBODY. She's really incredible.

These are the people who are always down, have my back and are just too fantastic for words.

I JUST LOVE THEM!!!!!

The_ladies

 

Permalink | Leave a comment  »

]]> http://files.posterous.com/user_profile_pics/1298121/2011-06-05_001_021.JPG http://posterous.com/users/KQtCSgUWxH Michelle A. Thorns Soulpower Michelle A. Thorns Mon, 05 Dec 2011 14:45:00 -0800 #RESOUND 11 - Getting Started and Catching Up, sort of http://mssoulpower.com/resound-11-getting-started-and-catching-up-so http://mssoulpower.com/resound-11-getting-started-and-catching-up-so
First let me say I didn't discover this thing on my own.  I found out about the project on Google+ via +Danielle Richardson and +Jason Toney. Thanks for informing the uninformed masses.

Diving in LATE but better than never I guess.  Here we go.

ONE WORD - WORK

After thinking on this for two days, and worrying about the stuff that I missed at work today because I'm freaking at home and ASTHMATIC, I figured out that work is what dominated my world in 2011.  I didn't do any traveling, didn't really do a lot of fun stuff, because I was broke and had to work another job to make ends meet. When not working for money I was working for church, for my sorority or some other organization that I volunteer with.  The hardest work that I did all year long was work on me.  Broken spirit, broken heart and broken body all had to be mended.  Are they all at 100%? No but, I'm working on it.

If there could be a secondary word it would be exhaustion.

VICES - LAWD! For Real???

Not a drinker, smoker well a former smoker, well yeah I do have one.  I'm addicted to nicotine gum.  God I want to get rid of it.  Let me see what else.  I have a bad habit of over-committing and doing stuff that I know I shouldn't do like run outside through moldy leaves when I'm allergic as hell to mold (hence the asthma situation).  A procrastinator of the worst order who doesn't do stuff until it is absolutely mission critical and... ok that's enough.

VIRTUES

People move me, the human condition moves me.  I cry for people, I welcome people to cry on me.  My door is always open and if I can rustle up bail money I'll get you out of jail.  

THEME SONG
This is not a theme for the year, but is more theme for my life thus far. Perpetually looking for nirvana but forever landing in the throws of depression, this is really my dream, but guess what?  To get there send me right back to the one word - WORK.

 

Permalink | Leave a comment  »

]]> http://files.posterous.com/user_profile_pics/1298121/2011-06-05_001_021.JPG http://posterous.com/users/KQtCSgUWxH Michelle A. Thorns Soulpower Michelle A. Thorns Sat, 26 Nov 2011 17:00:00 -0800 Today's Observations http://mssoulpower.com/todays-observations http://mssoulpower.com/todays-observations
At the end of the day folks still want to make that dollar.  The NBA lockout is over so it seems.  I don't understand all of the details, but what I do know is that the people who work the arenas and parking decks will be working again and that's a good thing.  

Some folks will bless you regardless. Brother Pharmacist at CVS had just dealt with two folks who had a bazillion questions was absolutely pleasant and told me to have a blessed day.

Impatience and acting privileged is not a virtue.  I was waiting in line for a bagel for all of two minutes at Panera.  The lady in front of me started telling one of the sisters at the counter that the "math wasn't adding up" 5 people in line and one register open.  She proceeds to tell the shift manager to open another register who tells her, "the two ladies you see are not authorized to work the registers, they are up front as back up because the cashier is in the bathroom sick."  Now the way she talked to him wasn't necessary and she should have felt like a HEEL after he explained the situation it but she went on to FURTHER explain her point about how many people were waiting in line and asked the guy if did he swiped her card so she could get credit for her purchase.  This poor dude apologized to me when I came up and I said, dude I'm good and I really didn't get what all the fuss was for he agreed with an eyeroll and the bagel.  All of this is to say, treat service workers with respect, you don't know what they are dealing with. By the way, this occured in Johns Creek.  

I know I'm getting old because I got excited listening to the Optometrist's message saying my new glasses are ready. Then again anybody would if their existing specs looked like these.

2011-11-26_15

I'm so glad I was turned onto this. 

2011-11-26_15

I'd given up hope that I would ever dig brown rice. 

Haven't paid less than $3.00 for gas since perhaps January. Was able to do it this time via all the grocery shopping at Kroger.

2011-11-26_18

Finally I say a little prayer for my neighbor's boyfriend.  Fire and rescue were here to help him get his blood pressure down.

 

 

Permalink | Leave a comment  »

]]> http://files.posterous.com/user_profile_pics/1298121/2011-06-05_001_021.JPG http://posterous.com/users/KQtCSgUWxH Michelle A. Thorns Soulpower Michelle A. Thorns Tue, 22 Nov 2011 18:26:00 -0800 Stuck in Season http://mssoulpower.com/stuck-in-season http://mssoulpower.com/stuck-in-season

I can't say that I really have a block, I mean I'm doing it right now, what I can say is that I am woefully uninspired and ridiculously tired but it still tugs at me, this whole writing thing.

14 years ago, a time in which I was particularly "churchy" I was working a job but not loving it, having problems at home, having issues with life in general and was in search of a purpose.  Deeply into the Bible and Christian books I had just read a book by Myles Munroe called In Pursuit of Purpose.  I remember kneeling down on a hot summer evening in front of the bed and praying to God, asking what is it that you have called me to do? I didn't get any interference, feedback nor confusion, the answer that I received was writing.

Since that time I've written about God, football, running, politics and all manner of random things on several blogs.  Maybe too many, yet in the last few years, I have noticed that my productivity has declined dramatically and this year, 2011 has probably been the least productive of any year since that kneel down 14 years ago.

How did it happen?

I got caught up, in life stuff.  Trying to get the ends in the vicinity of each other, let alone meet.  Working a whole hell of a lot and playing very little and...

battling the ever present D (won't say it because I don't want to give it power) which at one point had me in such a tail-spin that I did not think I would breathe again.  All to end up right here in yet another season of discontent with my lack of writing productivity.  What I found out upon landing in this season is that the best thing to do to move forward is to make a move.  In this case, blather on about being a writer who doesn't write.  My hope is that this is a start and not a false one, to get me going again.

What do you do when you get stuck, when life happens and that thing that you love is tugging at you to embrace it again?  Let me know in the comments.

2011-07-04_001_034

photo via me

Permalink | Leave a comment  »

]]> http://files.posterous.com/user_profile_pics/1298121/2011-06-05_001_021.JPG http://posterous.com/users/KQtCSgUWxH Michelle A. Thorns Soulpower Michelle A. Thorns Sat, 12 Nov 2011 10:21:00 -0800 Observations so far this Saturday http://mssoulpower.com/observations-so-far-this-saturday http://mssoulpower.com/observations-so-far-this-saturday

#1 It's Cold In Here

During the overnight the furnace stopped working. Stepping out of bed was rough. No heat is an emergency here and the maintenance super came within 15 min of the call. He diagnosed the problem as a "blockage" and proceeded to give the furnace "mouth to mouth". He said sometimes that if the debris is small enough you can blow it out. I have never seen this so it was interesting to say the least.

It didn't work though.  He had to replace the blocked piece and it was toasty again within 10 minutes.

#2 Phone woes/wars

The Samsung Infuse is the most beautifullest, won't act right phone I have ever owned. Shuts down when it wants to, plays music when it wants to and generally gives crazy all the time. Basing on AT&T serves as dessert after lunch.

#3 Plantronics Backbeat Bluetooth Headset or should I say BROKEN BEAT

Product Details
For the last week that woman who is the voice of said headset tells me I have 7 hrs of listening time. After 20 minutes of playing music she says recharge battery. Basing on Plantronics is the afternoon snack.

#4 Didnt know but it's cool

Today is AMERICA Recycles Day. Having been distracted by, well you name it, I was pleasantly surprised to see volunteers at my neighborhood recycling facility.  So this is your chance, get all that stuff out of your house and recycle it - curbside, recycling centers, charities. Baby you have options. Skip the landfill, bless the earth, bless some other people in need.

My battery is going dead as I write this...

SMH.

Update I had to go to my laptop to complete posting.

Permalink | Leave a comment  »

]]> http://files.posterous.com/user_profile_pics/1298121/2011-06-05_001_021.JPG http://posterous.com/users/KQtCSgUWxH Michelle A. Thorns Soulpower Michelle A. Thorns Thu, 27 Oct 2011 07:59:52 -0700 LOST http://mssoulpower.com/lost http://mssoulpower.com/lost

1097962850

Traffic was a mess and my nerves, nor my car could take the sitting so I bailed off course. A place that was familiar suddenly became unfamiliar and I became disoriented, driving around in circles and passing the same landmarks repeatedly. I could see the headlines:

ATLANTA TRAFFIC CAUSES NERVOUS BREAKDOWN.

I was lost in a place that I knew well and as an over-thinker, questions surfaced. How did I get lost when I know where I am? Was I not paying attention to something? How in the world did I get so turned around? Is there a reason for this?

I was LOST.

Literally and figuratively, because during all the driving some things surfaced, I mean there was nothing else to do except think about how to get out of it. So this is what I did.

Turn on the navigator –which did not work. The turns guided me right back to where I started.

Turn off the navigator and reorient –which did work. I was able to get my bearings and figure out which way to go to avoid that traffic snarl and make it home.

Sometimes we go off course. We do so out of what we perceive as necessity, we do so because we’ve been advised to or we do so simply because we want to. When going off course there is a possibility of becoming lost, frustrated and caught up in foolishness (whatever that may be). In order to reach the original destination you sometimes have to turn off all that is on the outside and look within to get to the place that you desire. Looking in instead of looking out can take some time and some patience but if you stay focused…

You can reach home.

Permalink | Leave a comment  »

]]> http://files.posterous.com/user_profile_pics/1298121/2011-06-05_001_021.JPG http://posterous.com/users/KQtCSgUWxH Michelle A. Thorns Soulpower Michelle A. Thorns Sun, 21 Aug 2011 05:34:00 -0700 Hanging It Up http://mssoulpower.com/hanging-it-up http://mssoulpower.com/hanging-it-up

I talk a lot about my age truthfully because I am feeling it, especially after having been sat down for a few days.  A little over a month shy of 45 I'm in a peculiar place.  As the oldest of what folks called Generation X I have lived to see Martin Luther King assasisnated and a black president elected in this country.  I watched my parents pay .70/gallon for gas and have paid $4.00/gallon myself.  I have listened with my own ears to music coming from a reel-to-reel player as well as an iPod.  I have seen diseases become nearly extinct and others, particularly AIDS ravage the world and hit my community especially hard.
This place that I am in is peculiar because of where it sits. Smack dab in the middle of it all.  Not a senior, but experienced, not young, but youthful in outlook and approach.  Too old for some things for sure but definitely not too old to stop learning, experimenting, liberating, giving and loving. The first 44 have been beautiful and terrible, memorable and forgetable but that is the way life is.  In the 44 I have done my best to  save and change the world, one person at a time, including myself. Now

I'm hanging up my cape.

The dawn of 45 shines a spotlight on a world that doesn't require me to save it and I am relieved.  What the world requires me to do is love its people and make it better for all of us where I can.  Running on fumes is not required in order to do so, acting and speaking from a place of love is and that in itself is liberating. Now

I can ride the wave. Care to join me?  You may have to give up your cape as well...
Img_0163
Photo via my camera

 

Permalink | Leave a comment  »

]]> http://files.posterous.com/user_profile_pics/1298121/2011-06-05_001_021.JPG http://posterous.com/users/KQtCSgUWxH Michelle A. Thorns Soulpower Michelle A. Thorns Mon, 04 Jul 2011 17:55:00 -0700 Lived to Tell about #13 http://mssoulpower.com/lived-to-tell-about-13 http://mssoulpower.com/lived-to-tell-about-13

On July 4, 2011 the 41st running of the Peachtree Road Race had the the largest field of runners/walkers/crazies collected in one place at 60,000 registered and 55,090 finishing.  This one was unlike any of the previous 12 I'd participated in, but they never are.
2011-07-04_001_029

Pre-Race - it's all mental
All the training was done.  I was set to take about 2 minutes off last year's time.  Did the whole hydration thing on Sunday to the point of floating away, simple meals with vegetables, protein and carbs and adequate rest.  I was ready as far as my body was concerned.  My mental state not so much... Disgusted, disappointed, depressed and dismayed YEAH all the D words but what the hey, it wouldn't be life if stuff didn't go wrong, but I digress.  When I woke up race morning I was fairly skittish.  The temperature but more so the humidity this year was not going to be in our favor.  In some of the hot races past, I've seen people pass out on the course, toss their cookies and though I didn't see it, I was on the course a few years back when an otherwise healthy man had a a heart attack and died.  So by the time I hit the car I was in full froth, lathered up with anxiety.  In fact I almost turned around at Jimmy Carter Blvd because my stomach was really acting in lieu of the turnaround I put on My Favorite Things (John Coltrane, McCoy Tyner et al) and proceeded to Doraville station.  I'm a wily veteran, I did some heat training.  No PRs (personal records) today, I would slow it down, complete the race and get my shirt.

The Sights
There's plenty of visual stimulation at Peachtree.  At Doraville station, the end/beginning of the Northeast line, it was the usual mayhem.  Long lines queued up to get Breeze cards, police directing traffic, folks running late and using all their energy to run for the train or back to the car for forgotten items, families prepping, people telling war stories of Peachtrees past, and the train conductor who always sounds bored to tears to be working on the holiday.  Upon arrival at Lenox station and heading to the start waves it gets even better.
There are costumes, flags waving, plenty of silly head gear and something that I've never really paid much attention too but did this year, folks looking for race numbers.  I stopped and talked to one guy, who had a number but whose buddy, a member of the armed services wanted to run with him but didn't have a number so he was hustling to get one for his friend, which was really cool.  I suspect that he got one as well because some of the other folks I saw hustling for numbers ended up on the course with one.

The Sounds
There's a number of radio stations, live bands and people along the route who cheer all of us on.  It's fantastic.  I've been in the very back before with an 8:50 start and they cheer and play just as hard for the whole 50-60k people.  This year's musical selections included Temperature (Sean Paul), Power in the Blood (of Jesus), Jungle Boogie (Kool and the Gang) and all other manner of genres of music as well as bongos, congas and such.  I had a chance to talk to a lady while queued up for the start who also had been running Peachtree for some years and she shared that all though she's done this numerous times, she still gets nervous this year she even felt sick at one point we laughed together and at each other for the silliness.

The Race
2011-07-04_001_010
There's no way to get around it, the race was an absolute BEAST this year. 75 degrees and 78% humidity dashed all hopes of making my time so I took it easy.  By mile 3 (where you climb to Justin's restaurant and Piedmont Hospital) I was on pace to hit my time, I was feeling good.  By mile 4 I'd slowed considerably and considered walking because something just was not right.  Even though I had run through all the sprays (including the holy
 water) I just couldn't get right.  Then that silly thing called EGO kicked in and said hello.... you can run 7 miles, what's 6.2?  What's your problem? Finish running this thing and get that shirt.  4 to 5 was a struggle. Miles 5 to 6 were a bit better but I just didn't have the juices going to push me in the last .2 between the photographers and the finish line, I made it though.  

Post Race
I was supposed to meet up with some of the Shed fam to take pics after the race and had a little time to kill.  I proceeded to pick up the coveted shirt, took some pictures and then it hit me, my HEAD was SPINNING.  I said ok, I just need some Powerade, maybe the blood sugar is low or something.  So I headed all the way back to the street to get the Powerade and started to head back to get one of those finisher photos.  On my way, and after drinking some of the Powerade I felt worse.  Turned right back around and went straight to the medical tent, which was next to the Powerade.  I have NEVER been to the tent, EVER!!!!  They checked my blood sugar, normal, blood pressure fantastic.  It was a little bit of heat exhaustion,  which made sense because at a certain point before I headed back to the medical tent, I couldn't hear anything anymore, and I was a bit disoriented.  The folks in the medical tent were the BOMB.COM.  They got me cooled down with multiple applications of icy towels and regular Powerade (not the 0 cal stuff I was drinking) and eased my nerves.  Once I was sufficiently cooled and advised to keep drinking I was released and headed home.  Unfortunatley I didn't get to meet up with the gang, but they were real cool and tried to locate me at the tent (thanks, Alicia, Shauna, Jeff, Dominique).

Thoughts on #13
Well it HAD to happen, I mean 13 is supposed to be an unlucky number.  I did all I could to make it go wrong in the beginning but it didn't happen, it never really did.  Heat exhaustion doesn't qualify as a "go wrong" and 13 really didn't prove really unlucky at all in fact I was fortunate and blessed.  First I ran the entire course, finished and got the shirt. Second, the Creator gave me the good sense to know that there was a problem and as such sent me to the tent to help me avoid ending up face first in the grass.  Third, they have a bang up group of volunteers in the medical tent who get you back on your feet to make the sojourn home and fourth I got some great friends who had my back and undoubtedly would have found me had I remained in the tent.

So #13 is a wrap, it wasn't the best ever but it was an experience and at the end of the day, it is all about the experience, whether good, bad or in between.  You can believe that if I'm on this earth in 2012, I'll be headed down Peachtree street again with 59,999 of my closest friends.

2011-07-04_001_039_-_copy
For more pics of the race, please go to thesoulpower.tumblr.com

Permalink | Leave a comment  »

]]> http://files.posterous.com/user_profile_pics/1298121/2011-06-05_001_021.JPG http://posterous.com/users/KQtCSgUWxH Michelle A. Thorns Soulpower Michelle A. Thorns Sun, 26 Jun 2011 11:00:00 -0700 The King/Queen of the Jungle http://mssoulpower.com/the-kingqueen-of-the-jungle http://mssoulpower.com/the-kingqueen-of-the-jungle
Someone asks a question - a hypothetical one, not really soliciting an answer.  A person makes a statement, based on an observation maybe a conversation starter, maybe random, maybe in the course of an ongoing conversation.  Questions cannot remain unanswered, comments and observations can not go unsresponded to in the mind of...

The Lion(ess)

Lion_king_of_the_jungle

Who is the lion?  The lion is the king of the conversation jungle and an expert on every topic.  No comment is allowed to dangle in the air for rumination by the listener(s).  The lion sees it as a unlucky zebra.  The lion sees himsellf as lucky however because prey has just crossed their path, ripe for the pouncing and devouring.  The Lioness sees an opportunity in a comment as arbitrary as "it sure is hot today" to display her meteorological chops explaining high pressure systems, heat domes and how a La Nina is driving the heatwave.  The Lion doesn't realize that "it sure is hot today" only means that the commentor is feeling the heat.  If they want anything, it's likely not an explanation of the origin of the hotness, what they really want is a cold drink.

 

 

Lioness-hunting-5

The Lioness doesn't know the difference between the arbitrary and the profound, because her appetite for prey, her appetite for flexing, her appetite for checking (when she hears something that is presumbably wrong) is unsatiable.  The lion is very social, but once he gets going he can suck the air right out of the room.  The lioness is intellectual and very bright, but that brightness is dimmed because she

TALKS TOO MUCH.

The lion is attractive, stylish and definitely has swagger, but it all disappears when he tells you about the barber who cuts his hair, the fabric of which his suit is made and the thought that was put into putting together his ensemble. By the time the listener receives this unsolicted explanation on the lion's tailoring, the lion

LOSES ALL SWAGGER.

So why give them any play at all, I mean the lion and lioness are attention whores right?
Sure they are but if you delve behind all that mouth, there is a story.  That story likely won't come out all at once, because that story is PRIVATE.  However you will catch a glimpse of their story in their interactions, in their tone and in their interests.  When we put together pieces of their story, we begin to understand, to tolerate and even love the lion(ess) in all their expertly talky glory.  Besides, there's a little lion(ess) in all of us, does that make us any less loveable?

So... show a little tenderness to the Lions and Lionesses in your life today.

Lioness with gazelle via top-animals.blogspot.com
Lion via thundafunda.com

 

Permalink | Leave a comment  »

]]> http://files.posterous.com/user_profile_pics/1298121/2011-06-05_001_021.JPG http://posterous.com/users/KQtCSgUWxH Michelle A. Thorns Soulpower Michelle A. Thorns Sun, 19 Jun 2011 06:00:00 -0700 Father's Day Bag http://mssoulpower.com/fathers-day-bag http://mssoulpower.com/fathers-day-bag

Contemplating the Father's Day post after watching the Spinners UnSung I was thinking are there any good songs, positive songs about dads?  The first song that came to my head was Papa Was a Rolling Stone -- um yeah we know what that's about and likely don't need to bring out any skeletons for folks whose papa's were rolling stones or for those papas who are now...  Next was Big Poppa - makes my head nod, love Biggie to this day but wildly inappropriate. Then the Godfather starting ringing in my ear, Papa's Got a Brand New Bag.

Brother Thorns has always been on the leading edge of everything.  In marketing speak he's an "early adopter".  When other family's were rocking those wooden cabinet stereos, my pops was rocking the component systems.  In fact we never had one of those all-in-one systems.  He was a believer in building his system to his liking.  When all his buddies were hitting the middle age spread and going to the house (or the tavern to drink away the pain) my pops (thanks to mama) hit the road.  Yes he busted out the headband, the short shorts and the shoes and started running at a time when there were NO brothers in my hometown doing such a thing.  As for technology, he left everyone behind.  While folks were still beating on typewriters, my pops said "you jokers are going to learn how to use a computer" and an Apple IIe arrived for us to learn how to use by his guidance and our own discovery.   This man had routers and laptops and smartphones and tablets before I ever touched one.  In fact I STILL don't own a tablet and (you should guess from my most recent post) he bought his DSLR camera when they first hit the market.  My dad is Mr. Cutting Edge.

but more than that...

My father was never really about being the first to get the shiny new gadget.  What he's really about is learning and discovery.  His interest in discovering new things always tied back to things that he loved and how to enjoy those things in new ways. He doesn't stray from his values, nor allow what he has to get in the way of who he is.  

Although papa always had a brand new bag.  The bag was full of good stuff, that was meant to be shared and enjoyed, not worshiped.  That's what I got from Papa's bag and I'm thankful to him for sharing it with me.

Image_-_copy

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v= hWdY2t5U5iQ

Permalink | Leave a comment  »

]]> http://files.posterous.com/user_profile_pics/1298121/2011-06-05_001_021.JPG http://posterous.com/users/KQtCSgUWxH Michelle A. Thorns Soulpower Michelle A. Thorns Fri, 17 Jun 2011 10:00:00 -0700 Get the Picture http://mssoulpower.com/get-the-picture http://mssoulpower.com/get-the-picture
First I'd like to thank my super fantastic photographer friend Tracey Brown for showing me a few years ago how to set the timer on my Canon Powershot a590.  It is she who empowered me to indulge my inner vanity and take countless photos of myself.

In all seriousness though, this primping in front of the camera thing has nothing at all to do with vanity, but has everything to do with celebration.

I love all things photography and of course this goes way way way back.  There was always a gang of cameras in our home.  My dad -- we'll call him the professional always had the latest and greatest equipment.  I recall going on family vacations and posing for those dreaded vacation photos.  My sisters and I standing there rolling our eyes as he would do all this lens focusing. My mother was the historian, she had cameras as well, usually of the instant variety from Polaroid or the trusty Kodak Instamatic that had the flash on top in the shape of a cube.  Not wanting to be left out of the picture I got my first camera somewhere around 1976 a Kodak Pocket Instamatic with the long rectangular flash. Since those days I've had many cameras. Right now the camera I'm using is a fab point and shoot for us amateur shutterbugs, the Canon Powershot sx130 Which gets a workout because I ALWAYS have it with me.

Having taken many photos and posed for more than a few there was a space of seven years, in which all that picture taking was virtually shut down.  I still did it for my church, still took photos of my family, but was loathe to stand in front of a camera.  The few hanging around of me show me smiling and even clowning because that's what you're supposed to do. However, when I saw the finished product I always hated what I saw.  Until finally I resulted to ducking when a camera was pointed at me.

I was ashamed, embarrassed and saddened by what I saw.  The person I saw could not have been me.  She was on SWOLE!  As they say though pictures don't lie and in my case another old adage held true "a picture is worth a thousand words".  The swollen pictures really told on me -- what I'd been doing and going through.

By 2008 life had changed DRAMATICALLY. I don't know what happened or what made me decide to do it but one Sunday before going to church I decided to take a picture of myself.  Maybe I liked the dress, maybe I was feeling particularly happy that day I don't know but I took the picture and I liked it.  Then I kept doing it.  I figured Sunday is the day that I give my best effort (because it's all downhill the rest of the week effort wise) and it's usually the day in which I feel the most optimistic so why not capture that.

Why do I do it?

Not to feed some narcissistic need, not because I think I'm hot.  Anyone who knows me, knows that I think I'm so NOT hot.  I do it because I'm celebrating the gift of struggle and the gift of success on the other side of through.  I do it because I want to be reminded that trouble don't last always. I do it because I'm no longer ashamed and hope that in some way I can pass on to somebody else that they don't need to be ashamed now or ever for who they are, where they came from and definitely not for what they look like.

There's some healing in a camera -- pick up one and get yours.
Image_2 2011-06-05_001_004
See the full gallery on Posterous

 

Permalink | Leave a comment  »

]]> http://files.posterous.com/user_profile_pics/1298121/2011-06-05_001_021.JPG http://posterous.com/users/KQtCSgUWxH Michelle A. Thorns Soulpower Michelle A. Thorns Wed, 08 Jun 2011 18:44:00 -0700 Juicy http://mssoulpower.com/juicy http://mssoulpower.com/juicy

A wise woman told me, life is like a juicy orange you have to partake of it and all of its juice -- or something like that.  The point she was making is that living on the sidelines isn't really living.  You have to enjoy the fruit.  Funny thing is, it's hard to enjoy when that fruit is a lemon.

There's plenty of lemons to go around these days.  The economy is in the crapper.  The national unemployment rate is creeping back up again and those who are blessed to have a job are working harder, for less money.  The effects of stagnant wages and rising prices on your pscyhe can be devastating.  Throw in family dramas, illness, war, tragedy and social injustice the picture is downright depressing, especially if you feel powerless to change any of it.  What do you do with all that bad news? How do you make lemonade out of lemons, when the sugar you need is just out of your reach?

You ditch the lemons, for the orange -- but how?

Get out of your mind those things that you cannot change
This can be difficult for the superman/superwoman types who believe that they have the power to save the world.  I've been there and done that and failed miserably at it.  There's no sense worrying about these things.  Concern is good, afterall we are not robots but again, if there's nothing that you can do to change the circumstance/situation, it's best to leave it alone.  Your life will thank you for it.

Make a plan of action for the things that you can change
I'm sure you've heard before that one way to get things out of your mind is to get it on paper. Furthermore, once you get it on paper commit to following your plan.  Establish some benchmarks for accountability and make sure to bind that plan by time then DO IT!

Eliminate the distractions
This may require some extra work depending on how easily distracted you are.  In my experience, the best way to eliminate distractions is through consciousness.  When you take a moment to focus on what you're doing, what you're wanting or where you're going you gain clarity. You'll see distractions for what they are, things than take away from you and your quality of life.

Find your happy place
This may sound new agey, but humor me for a minute.  Think about the places, people, things, actions that no matter what, always bring you a sense of peace and joy.  When was the last time you experienced them?  If it's been forever, consider revisiting them and then incorporating them into your daily life.  By doing so you get reacquainted with YOU and what's really important to sustain a good life while you're here.

Does all of this take work? Well of course it does however take into consideration the amount of time each of you spend working for others, and how little time you take to invest in yourself.  You are worth it, so take yourself off from the bottom of the pile and ditch those lemons.  There's a big juicy orange ripe for the taking.

Juicy-orange-7r
Photo via Hiren & Pankaj's home page

Permalink | Leave a comment  »

]]> http://files.posterous.com/user_profile_pics/1298121/2011-06-05_001_021.JPG http://posterous.com/users/KQtCSgUWxH Michelle A. Thorns Soulpower Michelle A. Thorns Tue, 07 Jun 2011 19:42:00 -0700 The Affair http://mssoulpower.com/the-affair http://mssoulpower.com/the-affair

During Christmas of 2010 my mama had me and my sisters take all of our baby books, pictures and other saved documents with us.  Mama is the queen of purge, especially someone else's stuff.  We did have a great time going through all the photos though, identifying them and getting the ones that would remain with her in order.  During this walk down memory lane I came across some interesting info.  I found out that I'd begun having an affair -- as a BABY!

Excellent record keeper that she is and with me being the first born, she kept some pretty good records.  What lead me to discover the affair was in the 1st year baby book.  Mama said "she doesn't respond much to lullabies and nursery rhymes, but prefers jazz." That's where it all began, my love affair with music.

I've said before that the first jazz I remember hearing was West Montgomery's album A Day in the Life.  Coming up, me and later on my two sisters heard it ALL in our house. Every genre of music. My pops introduced me to Jose Felciano, Miles Davis and James Brown.  We always had top notch stereo equipment in the house and musical instruments.  My sisters and I all took a stab at piano and clarinet.  My pops played guitar, my mom and baby sister have the voices. I guess me and the middle sister got the ears because playing was really of no interest but listening and concert going was our forte.  Concerts in those days were not these $150.00 affairs you go to now.  I think tickets to my first concert -- The Aqua Boogie Tour were like $15.00 for Parliament/Funkadelic no less.  Needless to say I miss those days (for the ticket prices).

I have a great affinity for musicians and DJs.  In fact I was once married to one.  There were times when we were either broke or lazy and not wanting to go out and I would BEG him to spin some music.  He would cave eventually and I would close my eyes and go to work on the living room turned dance floor.  I would get lost in it.

I still do to this day.

I hear a lot about how the music today is wack, I've even said it myself "Oh I can't understand what he's saying". Or when everybody started doing the autotune thing, I'm like these people are not Peter Frampton, Roger Troutman nor Teddy Riley -- leave it alone.  Yet the beauty of music today is our limitless access to it via technology.  I've listened to music that I never would have come across on my own all thanks to technology.  I don't think that tech killed the music business I think it's been a boon in fact, especially since radio actually DOES SUCK -- (I do not listen to it other than our local jazz station, WCLK who continues to produce QUALITY).  The best part is, the discovery of it is FREE and the purchase of it in digital form is reasonable, if only concert ticket prices would follow.

So what are you getting at with this rambling post?

Music has marked every memorable as well as every mundane moment of my life. Music is something that often times I just close my eyes and get lost in.  Music is that thing that is so beautiful it brings tears to my eyes.  Music gets me through the struggle and through the good times. Listening to it for me, is a spiritual practice always has been, always will be.

My wish is that everyone could hear music and feel it in their soul.  Though that cannot be so, I would bet that if you listen to the Emperor Coltrane once -- you will be moved.

I bet the little girl in "sock it to me" shirt is listening to Coltrane on her daddy's reel to reel.
001

Permalink | Leave a comment  »

]]> http://files.posterous.com/user_profile_pics/1298121/2011-06-05_001_021.JPG http://posterous.com/users/KQtCSgUWxH Michelle A. Thorns Soulpower Michelle A. Thorns Sat, 07 May 2011 19:37:00 -0700 Untitled http://mssoulpower.com/52214325 http://mssoulpower.com/52214325

I did three things, one thing I always do, one thing I sometimes do and one thing I've never done and all three took me to the same place. I had to do them all because my existing path was exhausting. I was tired and needed to let all of that go. I had to surrender.

For me surrendering has always been equated with defeat. As a fight to the death type, defeat is simply not an option. As such the first part of the surrender was a shift in thinking. Understanding at last that surrender is release, not defeat. There was no need to be concerned about how it looked. No need to be concerned with the pursuit of perfection and no need to be concerned about "winning" the battle. I could now consider something else. Something that as late has been elusive.
In my ear I heard that the place that I was residing in, with my back against the wall was not the place I was destined to remain in. In fact in order for me to leave that place I had to surrender that space. Though tight and uncomfortable it was familiar. Surrendering that place became an entry into freedom.
What does freedom look like?  The first step into it reveals a plain, a plain that is wide open, the polar of opposite of the forest from which I came.  Freedom looks like clarity.  There are no things hidden from view, nothing under rock, nothing camouflaged in the brush or in a tree.  Freedom looks like sunshine, and smooth terrain.  There is no shadiness nor darkness.  Yet the brightness of the sun is not overwhelming, it is indeed welcoming.  Two Biblical scriptures come to mind in reference to the sun or more generally light and darkness. 

"But you are a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, God’s special possession, that you may declare the praises of him who called you out of darkness into his wonderful light." (I Peter 2:9) 

and

"If we claim to have fellowship with him and yet walk in the darkness, we lie and do not live out the truth." (I John 1:6) <both NIV>
In order to experience freedom, fighting as we have in the past my not be the best course of action.  In order to live in truth and in freedom, can we not first consider surrender?
Is there something that you need to surrender in order to live in freedom?
Plains_from_bioneural
<photo from Bioneural.net>

 

Permalink | Leave a comment  »

]]> http://files.posterous.com/user_profile_pics/1298121/2011-06-05_001_021.JPG http://posterous.com/users/KQtCSgUWxH Michelle A. Thorns Soulpower Michelle A. Thorns Wed, 06 Apr 2011 01:03:05 -0700 Out of Order http://mssoulpower.com/out-of-order http://mssoulpower.com/out-of-order I didn't even want to go to bed because I knew. When I got in the bed and prayed that prayer I knew that I jad reached the tipping point. I knew that I would not sleep and I knew that it was time to begin to address it all. When I spoke to God, I said I am not comfortable and I am dog tired and do not know what to do. I do not know what I need so I don't know what to ask for. All I know I that I need help. My prayer was please help me.

Now let me say that I am not depressed. I know that intimately and that isn't the problem, however I am very stressed. I know I'm not alone. Many of us are stressed about our families, jobs, homes, health and various responsibilities and tasks that we must contend with daily. I'm feeling that stress. For me whenever these times come I liken it to not having air, not being able to breathe. My tipping point is no air. I am there. So I asked for help.

The help came around 2:15 and I didn't want it because I am so exhausted. I stalled, turned on the tv, read some articles and realizes that I was stalling. I began to pray an opened my Bible and landed on I Corinthians 14, it is familiar. This scripture talks about prophesy and speaking in tongues. Paul concludes that it is better to prophesy than it is to speak in tongues. The prophesy edifies (builds/benefits) all while the tongue only edifies self. Tongues can cause confusion and God is NOT that (v 33) the chapter ends in verse 40 with "Let all things be done decently and in order." There it was, simple and succinct -- I am out of order.

Concerns about the job, not just the workload but the injustices, power plays and all around foolishness wake me up at night. What is more frightening is that in the place I consider my safe place -- the church, I witness the same things that I do on the job. Once home, there is still no rest. My community is in upheaval and more than once that has landed beyond my front door. I worry about my family, my parents are older and have been through so much, and I feel inadequate to repay them. My sisters and their families face challenges of their own that I can not help them with. Finally there's just me and the battle for my spirit, mind and body. I am out of order and can no longer ignore it. Are you?

At our tipping point we have some choices. My choice was to seek God for help. Whatever your faith, whatever your spiritual practice it is in that place away from it all that we can all regain our bearings and gain some clarity. I know that I don't have it all resolved but I do know that going to that spiritual place, engaging the spiritual practice of prayer initiated acknowledgement. I can acknowledge all that concerns me, all that I don't know, and that I can't do nor resolve it all. Acknowledgement is the first step, for me of leaving the chaos behind.

What will it be for you?

Permalink | Leave a comment  »

]]> http://files.posterous.com/user_profile_pics/1298121/2011-06-05_001_021.JPG http://posterous.com/users/KQtCSgUWxH Michelle A. Thorns Soulpower Michelle A. Thorns