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Rules, Boundaries and Limitations

I am a fan of the Dog Whisperer. One thing that he always tells owners with so-called out of control dogs, that run the house and run the owner is that the owner/pack leader has to set rules boundaries and limitations.  Doing so allows the dog to be a dog, but to do so under the leadership of the owner.  This makes life better for both the dog and the owner.  I believe that Cesar Millan is on to something. Rules, boundaries and limitations are just as applicable to humans as they are to dogs.

See full size imageUnless you’re a survivalist or other person of that ilk who lives in isolation and is totally self sufficient, you’re going to be in contact with people. These people can be family, friends, co-workers or other people whom you may do business with or have some sort of contact. These people will make all sorts of demands on your time, your money, your energy and yes your patience. These demands are often amplified the closer the relationship is between you and the person making said demands can sometimes lead to misunderstandings between you and the individual(s) and ultimately have an adverse effect on you.  Adverse effects can come in the form of interruptions of tasks you’re trying to complete, loss of time spent on something that is only beneficial for the other party, anger (on your part) because perhaps you really didn’t want to deal with what was brought to you in the first place.  Now these examples are not given to discourage you from doing something for someone else.  One of the best things, maybe the best thing we can do while here on this earth is serve other people, when there is absolutely nothing in it for us. What I am saying is that in order to do so, in order TO serve, rules, boundaries and limitations should be set in order to make that service more fruitful.

How do they come into play?

Rules are born out of law, on a human level, these are personal laws that we hold true for ourselves.  Maybe your personal rule for instance is, not accepting phone calls after 10:00 pm unless it’s an emergency, because that’s your downtime/family time/sleep time.  In order for the rule to stick, the rule has to be known/communicated.  You can’t be mad at someone calling you to chitchat at 10:30 when they don’t know you don’t take calls.  Therefore communication is the key, communicate early, often and clearly. Make sure that you are understood, because folks will try to break the rules.

Boundaries are an offshoot of rules. Going back to the example above. The rule is no calls after 10:00 pm. The rule establishes a boundary in this case a cut off time in which you do not want to be called after. Again there will be tests to the boundaries and again communication is key. Letting others know what your boundaries are upfront and clearly can eliminate situations that are at best uneasy and at worst make everyone upset.
 
Finally, there's the issue of limitations.  Limitations are more internal in the sense that you/me/we have to recognize that 1)we can not do everything; 2)there are things that we just should not do; and 3)we have a choice about what we do in most cases. Knowing that you have a time constraint, a mental or physical constraint, or a resource constraint is critical in making a decision to DO. Our ego can get in the way of us being clear about our limitations. We believe that we can make something out of nothing, can squeeze this in for somebody when we KNOW we should be doing something else or (and this is most dangerous) we do it because we're trying to please somebody. All of those are wrong reasons to DO. Understand the limitations and constraints, be clear about your motivation for taking action and don't be afraid to explain the limitation or even say no.
 
If you're feeling like you're being overrun and stretched to thin maybe it's time for you to set Rules, Boundaries and Limitations. Will you make that commitment today?
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